Must

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When you can’t, you must.
I’m finally sitting down to think about what I want from 2020. Yes, I have a word for this year, but there are many things I have on my heart (btw after re-reading my post, I think my real word for 2020 is…trust.)
I’ve written before that I often take January to think. To slow down and check-in with myself. What feels off? What is weird or strange or repeatedly coming up for me? What feels good? What do I want more of? Who in the world am I and what in the heck do I want from life?
I think we’re all under the false assumption that everyone has it all figured out. That the people we know, from real-life or Instagram, know exactly what they want and they are on the path to get it.
But I think, just maybe, we’re all on the path of figuring it out.
This month I’ve felt off. Weird about lots of things, and turning to external factors that I would love to blame. I feel weird? Must be my partner, my friends, my job, my house, too many clothes, not enough clothes, still feel weird – what could it be!?
It’s me. It’s always me. Refusing to do the work. To look at my inner self and ask her what’s up. I’ve avoided the things I know will help me. Meditation, writing, hiking, getting out in nature in any way, my daily journal. I’ve pushed it all away because I know there’s work to be done.
There will always be work to do on ourselves, unbecoming all of those things that our culture, our world, has told us we must be and do and become.
I have found, without exception, that when things change inside of you- things begin to change around you.
More soon,
Bonnie Rae xx
Things that help me:
Meditation 
Gratitude journal– or make your own!
PSA: Brene has a podcast now.
Creating a digital vision board.

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