Trust

My word for 2019 was adventure- and oh what an adventure it was. Other words that describe this past year? Hustle, suffering, exhaustion, meditation, anger, fear, hope, love, laughter, kindness, connection, family, love, heartache, growth, collapse, beauty, new.
I am so aware that I am only co-creating this life of mine. My goals and plans and hopes and dreams matter, and I work toward them each day, but I don’t ever really know how they will manifest. The universe sometimes has other plans.
Plans that I would never have expected. Being a single mom and divorced at 28 was never in my plans. It was not one of the dreams I manifested and wrote about and meditated on. Having a stranger try to break into our apartment? Also not one of the dreams or goals.
But guess what? Being left by my husband became the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Not when it happened, but in the work and growth and change that came after. I am stronger and wiser and more alive than I have ever been.
I am closer to my dreams than I ever thought I could be.
The hustle that was forced upon me by needing to provide for me and my little one led to so many new experiences. I became a professor, I networked and made fantastic connections, and I proved to myself that I could be a mom and work three jobs- going from 5am-11pm just to wake up and do it again the next day.
The break-in led me to find a home that is so safe and sweet and beautiful and magic, without the forced move I wouldn’t be here.
I learned that I am stronger than I ever knew. So much stronger than I ever thought I could be.
Sometimes, when it is time for a change, the universe will make it so uncomfortable for you that you have no choice but to leave.
If you have not heard from me this past year, I have been surviving. Working and learning and growing and mama-ing, and figuring it out.
This next year? My word is fun. I have worked so damn hard that my company noticed, they saw my hustle and dreams and decided to pay me what I’m worth. Hard work and staying the course pay off. Dreams don’t happen overnight, you have to put the work in.
Some years are hustle years. Other years are for hibernation. For me, this year, I want to have fun.
This doesn’t mean that every moment will be blissful or wild or big, it means that I want to feel the benefits of my hard work.
I want to be silly with my baby, go on outdoor adventures, meet new people, try new things, take life a little less seriously.
My only advice? Do not compare yourself to others. Do not compare your years. You can only compare the current version of you, to previous evolutions that have come before.
Are you doing better now than you were this time last year? If not, what are you ready to change?
Maybe this is your hustle year, or your rest year, or your fun year– and remember, leave a little room for the unknowns. For the things that are meant for you, the things you have no idea are meant for you.
They might just change your life.
More soon,
Bonnie Rae xx

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