Home

May your walls know joy;

may each room hold laughter,

and may every window open to great possibility.

Mary Ann Hershey

Lately, I have felt unwelcome in my own home. The harsh lines drawn between parties this election played out very close to us, neighbors with lines drawn in the sand.

Home is a difficult one for me.

In 2019 I let go of my home to survive my marriage ending and move forward with my baby and my life. I then moved in to the most welcoming home with my auntie, but yearned for my own apartment.

I found an apartment and six months later was an attempted break in. After, I settled in a beautiful, blue cottage but then the pandemic hit and I felt claustrophobic and caged in by our small space.

I moved us to the country in search of peace and wide open spaces, but then our neighbors made it clear where their values stood – in exact opposition to mine.

And now I search again.

I have been without a settled home from about the age of twelve. My mama became sick and so I moved back and forth from mom to dad. With mom when she was healthy, with dad when she was not.

What I’ve learned from being a forever traveler is this: to have a roof, heat, clean water, a washing machine, a safe place to lay your baby’s head – for that we are so lucky. I have never been without that. I have always had a safe place and space to land.

I am searching for a place to settle in and grow roots, but I am also reminded that nothing is constant but change. I know that I will find a place to call home, I also know that I make each place I land feel like home.

I have become excellent at creating spaces that feel beautiful and special, with whatever I have, wherever I am.

Maybe my draw to minimalism and simplicity comes from an understanding that we are not actually our surroundings. We are not our things. Home is something you carry within you, from place to place.

Home is turning sticks into swords, it is tickles and giggles. It’s good food and cozy blankets. It’s bedtime stories and looking for fairies in the old stumps out back.

I know, that in order to manifest and welcome something I want, I first need to fully appreciate what I already have.

I am all of the places I have been, I bring them with me on each new adventure.

I know one day we will find it, our home, until then we will make it wherever we land.

More soon,

Bonnie Rae xx

More:

Inspiration

Past

winter capsule 2021

What if I want to live simply? To drink coffee and watch the sunrise with no where to go.

In 2015 I started my minimalism journey. I began saying no to things I didn’t need, to people that weren’t meant to be in my life, and to anything that I didn’t want to do.

If it wasn’t a hell yes then it was a hell no.

I’ve grown and changed so much in the pat 5 years, creating habits and learning more about intentional and simple living than I ever thought I could.

To have continued these healthy habits for five years is no small feat, so I am celebrating myself and honoring how far I’ve come.

I’m a bit late in sharing my winter 2021 capsule wardrobe, I took much of December to rest and reset. These clothes will carry me from December through February. A combination of comfort and style, each piece chosen because it sparks joy when I hold it.

Gone is decision fatigue and “having nothing to wear.” Replaced with beauty and simplicity and far less clothing, each piece feels like me.

27 items including shoes for this capsule. Not pictured are two winter coats and a few pairs of earrings.

More soon,

Bonnie Rae xx

Inspiration

This Irish Fairy

This Gentle Soul

This Australian Wise Woman

Wonder

I love a vision board.

The process of not only planning ahead for the year to come, but also looking at the previous year to see what it brought you.

I don’t have to tell you that this year was a big one. An awakening and unraveling of nearly everything. The hardest year for some.

I am so tempted to look back on this year with distaste. To remember the pain of all that has been, but then I looked at my vision board from January of 2020.

I had pinned photos of gardens. Of compost and home grown veggies. I found toddler activities, at home games and fun to do with my growing baby. Everything I had imagined for my year came to be. I imagined a beautiful life at home with my baby and that’s what followed, although, not in the way I expected it to.

I often wonder if the universe is conspiring to get me exactly what I want, but never in the way I expect.

I’m not ignoring the pain and the hard. More than ever before I am aware of the many broken systems there are to fix, how much more we must do in order to be whole.

But I’m also choosing to see the good. I think one of the most radical and powerful things we can do is to see the beauty and the lessons in the past – without it we can not grow.

Instead of being swallowed whole by the darkness, I am choosing to wonder. To imagine what can and will be.

Who I want to be, what habits I want to instill, what I want my world to look like. The more I think on it, the more I plan and imagine and wonder- the more likely it is I will make it happen.

2020 was not the hardest year for me. 2019 was when everything felt impossible and fell apart. And that impossible year I did the same things. I imagined my ideal life, what I wanted and who I wanted to become.

And with that vision in my mind I moved through the darkness one step at a time. Doing each next right thing to get me where I wanted to go.

It’s not about comparison. It’s not about capitalism and how hard you can work or what you can produce.

It’s about you. What are your heart and soul aching for, where are you going and how are you becoming. What would the world look like if we all tried to become the very best versions of ourselves, if we focused on what would make us truly and wildly alive.

I wonder.

More soon,

Bonnie Rae xx

My 2021 Vision Board

Forget

Sometimes, I forget who I am.

I get pulled into this world. Social media, work, things, stuff.

I forget to stop and breathe the cold December air. I spend time with Miles pointlessly scrolling through my phone. I make lists of things I must buy. I forget.

But then, a text from a dear friend reminds me. I return to the things that fill my soul instead of deplete it.

I start to do the things that help me remember.

I write gratitude lists and recall the worthwhile things I do in a day. I meditate and chant and sing and dance. I lean into the people living slowly and intentionally, with no care for the parts of life that do not feed their soul.

I get down on the ground with our animals, I tell them how loved and beautiful they are. I remember they are not here for long.

I pull my little one into my lap. I smell his hair and kiss his cheeks. I forget my phone even exists, and I just am.

It’s okay to forget, we all do. But please, don’t forget to come back.

More soon,

Bonnie Rae xx

For Nigel

Things that help me remember:

Fairyland Cottage

Reaching out to soul friends that understand

The Cottage Fairy

The Ikonns Podcast