“If all girls were taught how to love each other fiercely instead of how to compete with each other and hate their own bodies, what a different and beautiful world we would live in.” Nikita Gill
Oh my goodness, I’ve missed this. I’ve missed writing. I miss being able to get my thoughts onto the page before they leave my brain. For me, the hardest part about parenting so far has not been the sleepless nights or the poo explosions or the pumping- it has been trying not to lose myself.
When you have a baby the world does not want you to be anything but a mama. You’re no longer allowed to be smart or sexy or cool- you’re a mom and that’s that. That is supposed to be enough and if you want more, you’re selfish.
The same does not go for men. You can be a million things and a dad. No one identifies you as a dad first and all your other identities second. No one shames dads for wanting to be themselves and to be a parent.
This happens to women in so many ways. Be pretty, but not too pretty. Be tough, but not too pushy. Show emotion, but don’t be dramatic. Take maternity leave to care for your family, but not too much or you’re not serious about your career. A woman is always given unattainable standards. We can not win. Too often our harshest critics are other women- or ourselves.
I want to be able to be a mama, a blogger, a counselor, a sister, a friend, a partner-all of it. I want to do it in my own way without judgement.
I don’t want people to decide who I am, I want to decide that for myself.
I want all mamas, all women, to be able to do their own thing in their own way. Empowered women empower women. It’s time to love one another and lift up the women around you. A huge part of being a feminist, of being a human, is allowing other women to make choices you might not make yourself.
No matter what their path, be it different from you or exactly the same. Withhold judgement, extend love and acceptance.
Be vulnerable. And when someone is vulnerable with you, open your arms and heart- accept them fully.
A new day is on the horizon.
Bonnie Rae xx
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