simple days with bonnie rae

“Going through things you never thought you’d go through will only take you places you never thought you’d get to.” Morgan Harper Nichols

Before giving birth I said I would never share my little one on social media. I was worried about oversharing, about privacy for our little one. I’ve since realized that this blog has become my diary. My record of my life so far. A dear friend and reader recently shared how much my posts have meant to her. How sharing my story has inspired her and reawakened her need to slow down and simplify.

I love sharing my life here. I love the way readers respond and the feedback and joy and change that comes from sharing.

And so I will continue to share our life and our little one here. For as long as I feel comfortable. As he grows I may share less, I will only share my experience and my opinions. I will not tell his story for him, but I will share mine.

Throughout my pregnancy I loved hearing positive birth stories. There are certainly negative ones out there and to be aware of them and to send light and love to the mamas who had a difficult birth is so important. It’s also important to fill yourself up with positive experiences- to manifest abundance and positive energy before you give birth.

Our story is one of a positive, hospital birth. In the early days I considered birth centers, home birth and water birth. All are beautiful and great choices but as a first time mama I decided I wanted the comfort of a hospital. We are lucky enough to have a team of amazing midwives at our hospital that I worked with all nine months of pregnancy and continue to work with postpartum.

On Monday, December 18th, little one was “over due” at 41 weeks. We headed back to the midwives to discuss eventual induction. I was not excited about the possibility of induction but after speaking to our midwife I felt ready and confident so we scheduled it for 5pm on Tuesday, December 19th. My midwife also performed something called a “sweep.” The purpose of the sweep is to kickstart labor before a medical induction is performed- and it worked!

Although we had our induction scheduled we did not need it because the morning of the 19th at exactly 1:00am my water broke and we headed to the hospital! Contractions came strong and fast. Only about 15 percent of women’s water breaks during labor and it is nothing like the movies (there are so many things in birth the movies get wrong.)

I spent the next nine hours in and out of the bath, experiencing contractions that were so painful I just remember thinking, “This is unbearable.” The contractions were strong and I moved from three centimeters dilated to seven. By this time Chase and I had been up more than 24 hours and I was fading fast. I decided to get an epidural even though I was terrified of the needle, there was no need to be worried however- I felt zero pain and the epidural worked it’s magic and allowed us to get some rest.

We spent from 10:00am to 5:00pm letting baby and the epidural do the work. We finally got some rest and then at 5:00pm our midwife said I was ready to push. I cannot overstate how incredible our midwife and nurse at RMH were.

Our midwife Marty has been delivering babies for over twenty years and our nurse Sara said to me, at one particularly difficult point, “You are not alone in this Bonnie, right now thousands of women all over the world are doing this with you.” I get tears in my eyes each time I think of them.

And Chase? Chase was the most steady, strong presence. During the last few pushes I held onto him for dear life and pulled from his strength to bring our baby into the world. After Miles’ head came out I was able to reach down and pull his little body out, immediately bringing him to my chest. I just remember saying,  “My baby, my baby.”

Seeing him and touching him for the first time was everything. Mamas tell you how perfect and magical it’s going to be but experiencing it is other worldly. 

I’ve never felt so strong or so sure. My arms are for holding him, the shape of my neck is where his head fits perfectly, my breasts are to feed and nourish him, my heart is his. For all the things my hands have held the best by far is him.

“because

I could watch you

for a single

minute

and find

a thousand things

that i love

about you” (cm)

More soon,

Bonnie Rae xx