May your walls know joy;
may each room hold laughter,
and may every window open to great possibility.
Mary Ann Hershey
Lately, I have felt unwelcome in my own home. The harsh lines drawn between parties this election played out very close to us, neighbors with lines drawn in the sand.
Home is a difficult one for me.
In 2019 I let go of my home to survive my marriage ending and move forward with my baby and my life. I then moved in to the most welcoming home with my auntie, but yearned for my own apartment.
I found an apartment and six months later was an attempted break in. After, I settled in a beautiful, blue cottage but then the pandemic hit and I felt claustrophobic and caged in by our small space.
I moved us to the country in search of peace and wide open spaces, but then our neighbors made it clear where their values stood – in exact opposition to mine.
And now I search again.
I have been without a settled home from about the age of twelve. My mama became sick and so I moved back and forth from mom to dad. With mom when she was healthy, with dad when she was not.
What I’ve learned from being a forever traveler is this: to have a roof, heat, clean water, a washing machine, a safe place to lay your baby’s head – for that we are so lucky. I have never been without that. I have always had a safe place and space to land.
I am searching for a place to settle in and grow roots, but I am also reminded that nothing is constant but change. I know that I will find a place to call home, I also know that I make each place I land feel like home.
I have become excellent at creating spaces that feel beautiful and special, with whatever I have, wherever I am.
Maybe my draw to minimalism and simplicity comes from an understanding that we are not actually our surroundings. We are not our things. Home is something you carry within you, from place to place.
Home is turning sticks into swords, it is tickles and giggles. It’s good food and cozy blankets. It’s bedtime stories and looking for fairies in the old stumps out back.
I know, that in order to manifest and welcome something I want, I first need to fully appreciate what I already have.
I am all of the places I have been, I bring them with me on each new adventure.
I know one day we will find it, our home, until then we will make it wherever we land.
Bonnie Rae xx